Day 12 Nov 19...Am I well???

Okay, so I think I should clarify some things for you. I have had a number of people concerned that my health is in question and that this is why I am doing this. Not really the case. For those of you that have known me most of my life, you have seen me struggle with my weight for years. Up, down, up, down....UP...for some of you that have known me only in the past couple years, you only know me as heavy....BUT, in my mind, I am not a heavy person. I do not like being this heavy person and I will never be comfortable in my own skin this way. I think like a thinner healthy person but I am not, I am an obese healthy person (if there is such a thing?) For the most part, we eat pretty healthy in my house and out of my house. If you ask my kids, they would (or should) be able to tell you what the good fats are and where to find them, they will be able to tell you what antioxidants are, what they do and where to find them...they may even tell you the benefits of eating a whole apple instead of apple juice and the effects it could have on your blood sugar? And, if they can't answer all those questions (I assumed all this time they were paying attention?) then they will know who they can ask...
Anyway, long story short (oops, too late) I have found my mental well being not so well of late. I don't like to go out and have people see me. I imagine them thinking "oh my God, have you seen the size of Marj?", I always see myself as the largest person in the room. I fear I will break a chair, or not fit into the rides at the parks, I get on an airplane and wonder what the person sitting next to me is thinking as I pray to God that the seat belt fits!! I see pictures of me and I cringe...I look in the mirror and moan...I put myself down and it bothers my children a great deal. In fact, it sometimes makes them angry...For as many compliments as I get, I say "thank you" but I don't believe one of them. Also, I am an advocate for Diabetes and its management, research and education and I sure feel like a hypocrite when I talk to people about it...I wonder how they can take me seriously??
So, for all those reasons above, I am on my Journey to Wellness...I don't like looking this way but more importantly, I don't like THINKING this way...I am a thin, active, healthy person stuck for now in this very heavy body...I am working on getting out if it...I really do owe it my life! I feel better when I think I look better.

Marj

As a post script, the only thing physically wrong with me right now is arthritis (and being active and thinner helps) and whatever is going on with my mouth but that too could be related to the arthritis...so, all in all, I am good and I want to run/walk the half marathon that I signed up for in Ottawa in May 2010!! (with Team D)

Day 11 Nov 18th

I am posting this a day late but better late than never right? I had a nice walk yesterday with my friend Jamie...we did 5kms on a local trail, took some pictures too and did it in an hour and three quarters so not too too bad...It wasn't really a walk I was looking forward to cause I have already done it a few times and I wanted to do something that we hadn't already done. I did try to look for a nice trail to hike but the maps on the internet for around here weren't really concise on the parking areas and we didn't have time to run around looking for them cause Ben was dropping us off on his way to school and we walked back to the car...It was however, a nice walk and I did end up with some beautiful new mums in my front garden! AND if you check out the pictures on facebook, you will see that I also had another "sign"...while taking a picture of the sign up on the 401, a truck passed (it was coming from behind me) and I snapped the picture...when I got home and was looking at the pictures, it said "driven to succeed"....I believe it was another sign....so, I had planned on getting Joe and Lilly out to the little track yesterday when Joe got home from work and he actually agreed to go but when he came home and I showed him the poor lonely dumped mums, he hopped on that band wagon and we went and got some and planted them...then went to visit Gramma after supper...all in all, it was a good day!

So, I went to Weight Watchers last night and I was certainly not happy with my results! After walking/hiking at least 40 km's last week and eating healthy and within my "points" all week, I was only down .4 lbs!! They told me I need to eat more because of all the exercise I am getting in! I understand the science behind it but I just don't get the math? IF losing weight is based on calories in, calories out, then why does eating more make sense????? GRrrrr, I was a little ticked to say the least...but oh well, move on....Today I am not doing much walking, just around here a little and I am going to see though if I can convince Joe to come out to the Little Track with me and take Lilly? I can't take her myself cause the arthritis in my hands wouldn't let me hold on tight to her if I needed to...I would like to take her on some walks with me but not til I see how she behaves out there first.....She is a big dog and with my hands the way they are, I have no strength in them :-( Also, I certainly wouldn't want her to pull me off a cliff or something. I doubt he'll come though...he's a puner that way...same old walk around the short block...no straying off course. Wish me luck!! Also, I have cards tonight with some lady friends and we always eat...I have already planned out my eating for today and included a couple snacks that I will take there myself and eat only that...A nice Weight Watcher's (WW) caramel chocolate bar and some WW cheese twists too...that will get me through any cravings I might have (but I doubt I will, when I'm strong, I'm good and strong) But, when I'm weak, I'm good and weak too..Today, I am strong! LOL....chat later...Take care everyone that is reading this!

Days 7 & 8

WOW! What a busy weekend!! Yesterday morning I went and helped a friend for a bit. He was moving into a new place with his kids and although I didn't do much, he appreciated it. After lunch, the plan was for Tracy and I to hike into my Aunt Bonnie's for supper. We took the trail from Hespeler to Riverside Park and it took us a couple hours but we stopped for a number of pictures too....We did pretty good but had to stop at the Grandstand in the park and Joe and Jim picked us up there. Tracy had a huge blister on her heel, poor thing, I felt bad for her. I know what they are like...We had a beautiful supper at my Aunt and Uncles and they had the table set so so pretty. I felt like I was being catered to and it was very nice. Spent the evening and night with family and we played some games...The girls kicked ass I might add!!
Sunday, Day 8 of my journey was also a Day 1 if you will? Julie and I are on a mission to see many of the waterfalls of Ontario and I have added personally, to hike the Bruce Trail. Sooooo, we conquered a bit of both today and I must say, at the trail head, we both had a moment when we hugged each other and had tears in our eyes. It was very moving. I know, I know...anyway, the first falls we came to were Felker Falls and they were really quite impressive. We were pleasantly surprised I think....the trail too, was a surprise. We started out flat and then very quickly, we descended! And then kept on descending, ascending, descending, ascending....my butt is killing me!! Our mission today, was to see both the Felker Falls and the Devil's Punchbowl. They are about 5 kms apart on the trail. (feels like 50) We did pretty good too for our first time on the trails, we managed to not get lost, having read all the blazes correctly except for one slight slip up...we veered off on a side trail and had to work our way back in...wasn't much out of the way though and our hike back was no trouble at all...Okay, so, we trek on and finally get to this waterfall but we keep pressing on (up this huge, very steep stairwell) cause we think it can't possibly be the Devil's Punchbowl and it must be ahead of us? Nopers...we had just seen it according to a couple of knowing hikers we met up with...To say the least, it was disappointing...but, we did it...so, now the trek back...we didn't stop to take any pictures and only stopped for a second or two when I needed to catch my breath or rest my muscles for a second. We hiked in in 1 hr and 50 minutes and hiked out in 1 hr and 25 minutes...I am very happy for the day I put in...The only glitch we have so far, is that although we hiked 11 kms on the Bruce Trail, I can only count a little more than 5 cause we have to turn around and come back. We would have to have two vehicles if we wanted to cover more of it...we'll sort that out another day...For now, I am going to read my books , mark off what I've (we've) covered and enjoy the rest of the evening...

Day 6

Okay, so I didn't blog (is that the correct terminology?) yesterday but that doesn't mean I didn't do anything....Just means I didn't do anything worth taking a picture or talking too much about. I did go to the market though and that was fun! I also walked around the "big" block last night too with Joe and Lilly...I was leading so I took them on a little longer walk than they normally go. Today, was a good day. I was supposed to clean all day and I did do a little of that but not near as much as I should/could have...I had nice healthy meals that I really enjoyed too and I just finished a walk around the "short" block with Joe and Lilly...Joe "has to work in the morning" so he didn't want to do the big block?? I have decided, just in case I had some weird Internet creeper, that I am not going to share where I am walking on the days before my walks but just that I am walking...you never know about the people out there! (Plus, Dr Phil says not to share too too much on here! LOL) I do have a big walking weekend planned, walking tomorrow with my sister, which is nice, and then on Sunday to some waterfalls with Julie. Those pictures should be good! I sure hope the weather stays nice...going to enjoy some of His masterpieces and share them with you!! I suppose I should go, put on my pj's (some Friday night huh?) and read my Waterfalls book....oh, and I should "invite" Jess to join me too....LOL...the jerk!

Little Track on 34...first day, Nov 8/09
I don't like having my picture taken but in order to share this with you, I suppose I need to
My friend Sue in the background and Julie is taking this pic

Okay...first of all, thanks to you my followers for your comments and your support! I did it....I walked to the doctors this morning and was just shy of getting there on time and a friend stopped about half a km from his office and picked me up. Normally, I wouldn't have taken the ride but I was stopped by a man that needed help on Pinebush Road and he took up about 15 minutes of my time. I would have been late had I not taken the ride...SO I still walked about 7kms just to get there (across from the hospital)...and what a BEAUTIFUL morning...holy cow!!! Then, my afternoon was even better. My friend Jamie picked me up and we had lunch in her car (Salmon, carrots, celery, yogurt, raspberries and some whole wheat crackers) then hiked along the Grand River behind the Preston Arena...Its a nice walk but not very challenging...perfect for me...as I begin. So, in all I probably walked about 13 km today. I feel good! I am going to the market tomorrow with Jamie and we're not sure yet if we are going to walk or not...we'll see...The next few days might be a little challenging cause my doc took me off my arthritis meds for a while and I am going to see a rheumatologist. I have been on all the drugs so who knows what the next step will be....I know what Lorna is going to say and I say, I have to find the darned things again...but I will!! Anyway, I am going now....going to see if I can figure out how to put more pics up here...everyone have a great night and enjoy this weather while we have it!!